It’s here. It’s hot-mess. I hope you like it!

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

R.A.M. rants is my first official vlog on YouTube. It’s kind of like a video documentary of my insane, alcohol-fueled life. The first episode is about haters.

Hope you enjoy!

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo0

Lil Kim face-fucking the camera during a recent visit at Millions of Milkshakes.

No lie. Lil Kim could STRAIGHT UP be the love-child of Homey D. Clown and Latoya Jackson!

Tell me you don’t agree. Looking all Heidi MonTAGGED, hot-mess, and shit. It’s sad. For me, Lil Kim used to not be able to do no wrong. Until now that is. With that horse mane on her head. What is she thinking? Nay nay…

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

Pocket Shot is a single-serving assorted top shelf liquor in a disposable plastic flask and my new favorite must-have accessory for 2010.

Are you a Mom who wants to make the time during your child’s soccer practice a little more worthwhile before picking them up?

Are you that office worker that secretly wants a stiff drink during your lunch break to help make the duration of your work day a little more tolerable?

Or are you like me and need a solid way to sneak liquor into your overpriced movie theater soda to better cope with the lack of creativity in today’s movie industry?

Then pack a Pocket Shot today!

Pocket Shot conveniently stores in your pocket, purse, bra, sock, underwear, or body cavities at your discretion. Pocket Shot can easily be concealed so getting it into places such as churches, doctors offices, or rehabilitation facilities is a snap! Take note Lindsay Lohan.

I’m dying to know if mB has heard about these or not. They truly are revolutionary!

Got Pocket Shot?

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

Obviously Avril Lavigne needs all the prying sluts the world to blatantly know that Brody Jenner is hers.

And in the most lamest way possible. Really. That tattoo is gayer than me! Whipped much Brody? I needed a reason to vomit the big breakfast I ate earlier and this just gave me one. Thank you Avril. You have a way of always doing that to me.

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

Click this image or link to view the NSFW uncensored version of this scandalous Ke$ha photo.

Wow Ke$ha! Who knew you liked the skeet skeet all over your teet teets? Eew… You certainly take dirty to another level.

Not only are you an instant turbo gutter slunt but you’re now a literal cum dumpster. Now I understand how you got your record deal. Way to go!

Climb that latter to hell… LOL!

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

Mischa Barton getting her party-girl on at a store opening in St. Tropez on Thursday, July 8th.

Due to the rampant response of comments from readers due to our last Mischa Barton post, I’ve decided to remind you of exactly why Mischa Barton has a special place in the non-existent hearts of MaterialBitch.com writers and staff.

Reason Number One:

The ever changing faces of Mischa Barton. Skinny or fat? Using or not using?

Over the years Mischa has provided many gossip blogs and media outlets with a myriad of entertaining pictures displaying her ever-changing look. I can see why TV shows like ‘The Beautiful Life’ were canned after only two episodes. With Mischa Barton in it, being the insanely huge star that she is, no one could focus on anything else but her presence so the stories with the rest of the cast naturally fell flat. No show can last that way! Besides… She was too busy with rehab and the three straight to DVD B movies she filmed that year. She has always managed to hold high regards to the party-girl lifestyle we highly promote/endorse here at the website. We’ve always commended her for that!

Reason Number Two:

Mischa Barton has also sported the Material Bitch by Curse Couture brand in the past.

We could never truly hate her when she wears our clothes. But when we see her looking straight up like something from the likes of PeopleOfWalmart.com (like she did recently) then we can call her and whoever the fuck else we want out on it because this is MaterialBITCH.com NOT CelebrityAssKiss.com so you’re going to get my free speech even if you don’t want too. If you’ve been swept into a fantasy of believing that Mischa Barton is a super successful actress and relevant star when all I see is a addict with a fledgling career… Let me be open to my own opinion. Is it really horrible to think that this is the shit that I would be actually thinking in my own mind even if I wasn’t posting it on this blog?

I don’t think so. This website is for SLUNTS with big enough balls/ovaries to have fun, party hard, stay classy, and most definitely take a joke.

So calm the fuck down and smoke a bowl or something. If Mischa Barton is offended by the shit we post she can be like Perez and Tila and personally write us with her opinions of what we’ve posted. You look like foolish idiots commenting on the site in defense of someone who definitely wouldn’t find the time to do the same for you. Chew on that. It’s real life. Open your eyes sheeple.

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

This is a recent picture of former pop superstar Britney Spears going on a Starbucks run in L.A. over the weekend.

Wow… Hollywood is definitely not what it used to be. Stars just don’t give a fuck anymore how they look in public and it’s sad.

SMH!

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

It’s not like we’ve ever liked Mischa Barton before… But WTF! Seriously?

Why has she let herself go to this point? The life of an addict who can’t keep control of her habit is a damn shame! Remember. Handle your scandal!

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo

What’s up slunts? It’s your boy Richie Rich here just checking in before I get together with my bitches for dranks, debauchery, and fireworks later. I was thinking that because today is a holiday I probably should just take the day off and not post shit. Then I remembered that we’re in America where stupid-ass codpieces do ridiculous-ass shit like in the clips below and I thought to myself, ‘Hm… Maybe I should warn a trick.’ Then I remembered that I honestly don’t give a fuck.

I never really understood why it was called “Independence Day” in the first place since the whole day seems to be a cloudy haze of firework pollution, family barbecues, and little snot-nosed hellions running around cramping up my style and invading my personal bubble. Where the fuck is the “independence” in that tradition? It serves me as another reminder of how bass ackwards customs in our country can be and why I should just barricade myself in my home tonight with my .45, some hard liquor, and a bible. Don’t judge.

That also happens to be a typical night for 95% of Texans as well!

So happy 4th of July hoe-bags! Don’t die of stupidity and shit! Otherwise I’ll laugh over your grave like the dumb-asses before you…

-Richie Rich ^_~xoxo