Twitter for Stupid Bitches.. by a Stupid Bitch.

I am so tired of my useless stupid bitch friends asking me what twitter is and how to use it like I am some sort of fucking Bill Gates nerd dingus or freak-o squareheaded grease face pimple farming keyboard jockey.. Twitter is quite possibly the simplest web app (web application) out there to use and can be somewhat addicting if you follow the right people and don’t concentrate on following complete douches that talk about how they gained weight by eating at KFC after the “game”.

OK so pay attention I am going to explain it to you fucking retarded slunts once and for all so you don’t end up looking like a total virgin tweeting the usual “What is this heehee?” or “im trying to figure this thing out:) HA” like Molly Shea @missmollyshea or “I don’t understand what im doing lol” or “im confused” like Nicole Richie @itsnicrich.

1) Micro Blog? Yes Micro means small and blog means BLOG. Blogging for slow people. Twitter is a mirco blog allowing small posts or “tweets” of up to 140 characters. (A character is a letter bitch.. like A B C D E) So only put 140 of these things down in the little box that says “what are you doing?” and then click the update button to do it LIVE.

2) It’s like a 1994 AOL chatroom for people with tiny pea brains! Twitter is not supposed to be a chat room.. although with the constant back and forth @’s it kind of turns into a giant.. slow.. and hard to follow chat room. It is supposed to be kind of like a diary in which you would write down things about your useless day as they happen.. things like: “I just vomited after drinking a bottle of goose” or “My butler makes fucking pitiful Margaritas and I am going to fire his punk ass in a moment”.. The only difference between the diary and twitter is now 983239294823928 trillion child molester fags around the internet can see what you wrote.. communicate with you.. hunt you down.. rape your anus and leave you for dead. Enjoy!

3) Follow losers and become a stalker! You can “follow” people that you think are interesting like @mchammer or @homersimpson.. don’t let the @ confuse you.. it’s just a way to communicate a tweet at someone like you are talking to them in stupid little confined paragraphs. BTW this @ symbol is called the “at” symbol so it kind of makes sense no? ::burp::sip::

So when you first log on you can go up to the top bar near the right side and click on “find people” and load up all your stupid friends as well as find totally fucking bad ass slunts like myself. @materialbitch. Now everytime one of these useless fucks you are following types a retarded tweet it will show up on your home twitter page when you are logged in.. no one else will see what your Twitter page looks like when you are logged in. They can only see who you are following and the tweets that you post throughout the day.

4) Blow up your cell phone and feel special. Cell phones can be used to make the whole experience much richer and gayer. When you click to follow someone you are also given the option to have it so a message is sent to your celly when they tweet. They call it “Device updates”.. It can get crazy so if you are one of them broke bitches that doesn’t have unlimited texting be careful. You have to first setup your cell phone in the “settings” tab up top under “devices”. When you start getting text messages with these tweets you can simply reply to the text and it will show up as a tweet of your own. Don’t forget to type @someonescreenname if you want them to know it is a tweet directed at their stupid heads otherwise everyone will think you are like one of them crazy fucks on Hollywood blvd. talking to themselves and making frantic hand gestures at imaginary people like they are in a huge discussion about politics and how they hate Obama or something. ::cough::

5) Make it pretty!.. pretty GAY. You can also upload a lame background image.. add your stupid face and even change links and colors to make the twitter super gay just like your myspace! It really is like myspace for complete retards but I guess I am a retard because I take some joy in following people and letting them know just how much they truly suck penis.

That’s really all there is too it.. so stop asking me whats up with twitter and just start tweeting. Find some friends.. find some celebs.. follow their useless lives and expose yourself and your personal thoughts to the world like an idiot. Happy drunk twittering slunts! ::sip::

Sincerely,
materialBITCH
http://www.materialBITCH.com

            

Tags: bitches, dumb whore, retards, stupid, Tweeting, Twitter